Life & Style

Top 20 New Years Resolutions On Twitter

Midnight fireworks display on New Year's Eve on Sydney Harbour. Image: Zak Kaczmarek

The sound of fireworks. Sound Capture: felix.blume – Freesound.

Ah, New Years resolutions… They are the epitome of procrastination for many, verbal energy for some, and rarely successful. But, we do it anyway, simply for the joy of posting up on our twitter accounts and Facebook walls for approval and to show people we really care about ourselves. And I, being the person I am, have trolled through all of them (exaggeration) in order to share with you the best of the best. I’ll share the ones that make you laugh, the ones that make you raise an eyebrow, and also the ones that make you throw your hands up in the air and scream YES!

So, alas, let’s start.

1. New Years Resolution Part 1

Ropney on Twitter is doing a rather unusual diet in 2018. Mind you, most of us would be guilty of this sort of eating. Pies and sausage rolls with squeeze packets of tomato sauce anyone?

2. New Years Resolution Part 2

Ropney comes back with his second round of resolutions. Are you guilty of this?

3. Stock This…

It’s the Monorail Man Elon Bachman, bringing you a well-planned resolution. When Tesla fails, all you can do is remove yourself from the twittersphere. But can he resist the thought of parodying Bitcoin?

4. Mr Popular

Cam Smith is vowing to keep a plentiful email inbox, perhaps to feel popular or perhaps to level with the email company by taking up their space. What’s your thoughts?

5. Becoming Less Shallow

Let’s face it, love is not all about looks. I mean, you have to suffer with the person’s annoying personality too, so you should try finding someone with a nice personality.

6. Resolution By Proxy

Emma Donaldson may just be the savour for many Apple users out there. It’s always the damn autocorrect!

7. Beating Procrastination

It’s an undeniable fact that at least half of the New Years resolutions made are never successful. So what better way to beat the procrastination than to not have anything to procrastinate about?

8. What The?!

For those who don’t know, ‘bubble’ here refers to a drug. Not to condone illegal drug use, but wouldn’t a table suffice enough for sniffing?

9. Lazy Leggings

Two great things about leggings are they don’t require ironing and they are easy to wash, which makes it heaven for those lazy days. But, this girl has gone crazy with the leggings.

10. ‘I’ll Ask My Manager’

Joseph Harris is finding himself resorting to delegating difficult customers to the manager more often than not. But not for 2018.

11. Extreme Dieting

It’s no doubt that since the proliferation of the world wide web that life has become dramatically easier. But, there are downsides to that. Take Tory, for instance.

12. Constructively Indecisive

Sometimes it is hard to choose what sort of resolution you’d like to undertake. Is it to not fall in love or eat more vegetables?

13. Touché

When you start a ‘to-do list’, you should make sure the first point to achieve is ‘write a to-do list’.

14. Why?

New years resolutions come in all shapes and sizes. And then there are ones like this, and all you can think of is ‘why no firemen?’

15. Swearing In Church

Twitter user ‘daddy’ – I’m too scared to ask – has a rather odd new years resolution. I wonder if its commonplace for priests to say something worthy of mouthing out a cuss.

16. All About Balance

Gym junkies would no doubt have spent too much time on their arms and not enough on their legs. So much so that they begin to look like Ranier Wolfcastle up top and Gru down below.

17. Catchphrase

If I had to do a resolution like Twitter user Warren Cobb’s one below, it’d be to use the phrase ‘I’ll ask my manager’.

18. Net Neutrality

If you don’t know net neutrality, here’s a link to get you up to speed. Australian net speeds, eat your heart out!

19. Sports Fan

This Twitter user is considering a ranking system to get him through 2018. Watch out sports gurus!

20. Dirty Laundry

Lastly, Vanessa here is vowing to make sure her laundry gets done every week for the 52 weeks of the year. Good luck, girl!

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